Thinking: myself & goals

Have you ever noticed time? You can't taste it, or see it, but you can feel it. And it scares me how time can slip past you so easily and disapear forever.

I can remember planning things out:
"I wanna be _______ by next _______."
"I'll be able to _______ when it's _________."
That was in Febuary. But it's nearly May now and I have nothing to show for it. Nothing. One day I will lock myself indoors and work on myself until I am perfect. Then again, I never get anything right anyway. "You're so smart!" they say. But no, they're just naive. I only point out things that are obvious - that doesn't make me clever. Unlike all those shitty liars, clouding me, distracting me. And when I would try to please them I felt as if I lost everything. I'm so weak.

Why? Because I'm bored. Because I can. WELL THAT'S JUST FAN-FREAKIN'-TASTIC, BITCH! How weak can you get? Can I get! I need disipline. I need control. I need to earn everything and be better. BE PERFECT.
I have so much while others have so little. And I waste it. I waste it all in a way that only a selfish glutton would.

"Everything I did got me nothing." NO! That's because my "everything" WAS NOTHING.
I am nothing. I am undeserving. I am wreched.